“This century should be the century of dialogue”. The Dalai Lama
Talking is all well and good, and we have managed to achieve a high level of competence at doing so. However, how many of us are great or even good at listening. I don’t mean hearing the words spoken which is easy, but true deep listening.
Listening without judgement, putting aside our own prejudices, and by being present and really hearing and seeing that person.
Recall those times when you felt truly heard, truly seen, and how you felt safe enough in their presence to allow what needed to be said to do so. Remember how reassuring and supportive it felt……
One of the skills I offer is the ability to coach through listening.
I recognise that sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with a stranger can be scary at one extreme and liberating at the other.
Sometimes just being able to express them and hearing them our self for the first time, is often enough to make the necessary change. Likewise, to be told that having thoughts and feelings is OK.
I begin by creating a safe place, a chat over a coffee is often a great place to start. Some people find it difficult at first whilst others are able to open up very quickly. My way of being is simply to be present and focused on them. Then to all that they say, without judgement and often without responding until they have spoken.
If you are struggling with your thoughts and feelings, call me.